


WinterIron 95 - Wrapping

by 27dragons, tisfan



Series: Stocking Stuffers [9]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (but not that way), Christmas Fluff, M/M, Swordfighting, Wrapping Paper, movie quotes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 14:10:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12961032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27dragons/pseuds/27dragons, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisfan/pseuds/tisfan
Summary: --quoted movies: Mask of Zorro (1998), Princess Bride, Star Wars, Looney Tunes: Robin Hood Daffy, The Highlander, Count of Monte Cristo (1934), Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring, Cyrano d’ Bergerac, Space Balls, The Road to El Dorado, Scarface, Citizen Kane, Beetlejuice, The Untouchables, Zootopia, and They Live--first line, Thus, Always, to Tyrants (Sic semper tyrannis) is the Virginia state motto and is represented by Virtue standing on Tyranny. A common joke in the state is that sic semper tyrannis means “get your foot off my neck”





	WinterIron 95 - Wrapping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kage_Nightray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kage_Nightray/gifts).



“Thus, always, to Tyrants,” Tash declared. She was currently standing, one foot on Tony’s chest, keeping him pinned to the floor, raising the wrapping paper tube over her head like a conquering hero.

Bucky carefully put his armload of presents on the floor near the tree, pushing them carefully into place. The Tower’s tree was ridiculous, almost twenty feet tall, and the pile of presents underneath was almost as ridiculous. “Huh, I didn’t know you were that good at sword-fighting,” he commented. “What happened, Tony?”

“Hostile takeover,” Tony said from his position on the floor. “Mutiny in the ranks. I depend on you to avenge me.” He grinned up at Bucky.

“Against Tash? Who says I’m on _your_ side?” Nonetheless, Bucky was looking through the piles of wrapping paper and supplies for an extra tube.

“He’s the one who stole the last of the miniature marshmallows,” Tash pointed out, her lower lip sticking out and trembling. “I’ve been grievously deprived!”

Bucky unrolled the last bit of paper from a tube; there really wasn’t enough there to wrap anything wider than a DVD case anyway. “Do you even know how to use one of these?”

Tony shrugged. “What’s to know? The pointy end goes in the other guy.”

Bucky rolled the weapon around in his hand, getting a feel for its weight -- negligible -- and sturdiness -- laughable. “I’m afraid Tony’s right,” he said. “I can’t allow the murder of my husband to pass unanswered. On guard, traitor.”

Tash moved her foot until she was standing over Tony’s “corpse,” lowering her own weapon into a fighting stance. “He’s a superhero,” she pointed out, reasonably. “Death is not a career-ending event.”

“True,” Tony added, “but I can’t come back to life until it’s dramatically appropriate. It’s in the by-laws.”

Bucky twitched in Tash’s direction, a feint at her left side. She dodged back, hampered slightly by Tony underfoot, who didn’t seem inclined to move. Being dead and all. The tubes clashed together with a hollow _bonk._ Controlling the force was going to be the hardest part of the fight, Bucky thought. Too much pressure and his weapon was going to go limp in his hand.

There was a dirty joke in there somewhere, but he was too busy retreating from Tash’s sudden flurry of attacks to put it directly into words.

“I see you are using Bonetti’s defense against me,” she said, chortling.

That was close; he barely got his weapon up in time to block a vicious swing at his neck. “We meet again, at last. The circle is complete. When I left you, I was but the learner, now I am the master.”

“I died at ‘Ho! Ha ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!’” Tony said from beyond the grave. “It was a risky gambit, but it might’ve worked.”

Bucky drew her out, making her reach for it; his long arms coming to his advantage at keeping Tash at bay. “Careful. If your head comes away from your neck, it’s over!”

She dropped into a crouch, kicked his legs out from under him. Followed it up by jutting her makeshift blade at him, millimeters away from his crotch.

Bucky swiped out with his tube, twisting it at the last instant to catch hers and throw it across the room. “It was not my sword, Mondego, that disarmed you, but your past!”

Tash recovered her tube in the few seconds it took Bucky to get to his feet and stood, holding her sword in both hands. “You… shall not… _pass_!”

“I don’t know, he’s passing pretty well so far,” Tony observed. “He’s already made it at least ten seconds longer than I managed.”

Tash took her eyes off Bucky long enough to glare at Tony. “You’re dead, you don’t get an opinion,” she said. “Besides, I have ten hearts, I have a hundred arms. I am too strong to war with mortals! Bring me Giants!”

“I see your schwartz is as big as mine,” Bucky said, menacing her. “Let’s see how well you handle it!”

Tash took another step backward. “You fight like my sister.” She slashed at him, fierce in her attack.

“I’ve fought your sister,” Tony continued the quote, irrepressible. “That’s a compliment.” He pushed up onto his elbows to watch the fight better.

A blur of purple moved in Bucky’s peripheral vision and Tash’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “Oh, shit.”

“Say hello to my little friend!” Clint yelled, popping out from behind the sofa, Nerf gun in hand. A second later, one of the little suction-cup tipped darts lodged itself right between Tash’s eyebrows.

Tash clutched her hand over her heart, fell over with surprising grace and a distinct lack of bumping her head on the floor for someone who’d just been shot. “... _rosebud…_ ”

“Really?” Tony demanded. “You’re going with _Citizen Kane_?”

“You’re dead, you’re not qualified to criticize,” Tash sniffed.

Tony glared at her. “Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen _The Exorcist_ about a hundred and sixty-seven times and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it… not to mention the fact that you’re talking to a dead guy… now what do you think? You think I'm qualified?”

Bucky grinned at Clint. “Thanks for the--” and he sprouted a half dozen Nerf darts, center of mass.

“And that’s what you get for bringing a knife to a gunfight,” Clint declared. “I win.”

Bucky let his legs go out underneath him. “Blood! Blood! Blood….” he said, sinking onto the floor. “And death!”

Clint stalked over, aimed his nerf gun right at Tony’s head. “I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum. And I’m all out of bubblegum.”

Tony looked over at Bucky. “At least we died together.”

**Author's Note:**

> \--quoted movies: Mask of Zorro (1998), Princess Bride, Star Wars, Looney Tunes: Robin Hood Daffy, The Highlander, Count of Monte Cristo (1934), Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring, Cyrano d’ Bergerac, Space Balls, The Road to El Dorado, Scarface, Citizen Kane, Beetlejuice, The Untouchables, Zootopia, and They Live
> 
> \--first line, Thus, Always, to Tyrants (Sic semper tyrannis) is the Virginia state motto and is represented by Virtue standing on Tyranny. A common joke in the state is that sic semper tyrannis means “get your foot off my neck”


End file.
